Wanted...

Since the time I got to know you until know this is all I have felt..
I'll miss you when you are gone..


Wanted...

I wanted to be in your heart
But I didn't make it there
For the overdose of reality came
And It was way too much to bare

I wanted so many more things
But not every wish can come true
Fate stepped in and took it’s course
There’s simply no me and you

I wanted to brag and hold you with pride
But there’s fantasy on a fine line
Impossible wishes cannot be granted
So I guess you’ll never be mine

I wanted to tell you all I’ve felt
But your reassuring words would be fiction
We weren’t made to be together
Even though you’re my single addiction

I wanted to be your everything
But I’m not your dream come true
The thing that stings and forever will
Is I once was beautiful to you

Moments..

"I could not ask for more than this time together,I could ask for more than this time with you.Every prayer has been answered,Every dream I've had come true.Right here in this moment,Is right where I meant to be.Here with you, here with me."



I have found that no matter how mad you can be at someone, once "I'm Sorry" has been said, meant and they can make you laugh and smile then it never was worth being mad. Over the last couple of months I have become friends with this guy who is moving at the end of the month. As time has gone on I have found that not only is it sad that he is leaving but I have found myself liking him. He and I have spent a lot of time with each other and we both have decided to let life take its course and see what happens. But the other night when something happened and he made me feel like this is just a game and really hurt me, I had had enough. What happened will remain a unmentioned. However I have never felt so hurt to the point of having to actually leave come back wake him back up yell and then storm out.. But what he did next is the reason I can no longer be mad. After everything that has happened he called me at 7:30 am and said that he needed to apologize for what happened. Now I listened and was still mad but when he asked if he could call me later I said yes and after we talked more and he explained things I was not so mad, but when he said he wanted to see me and it was up to me and he didn't want to lose what we already had going on it meant a lot more to me then I thought it would. I am no longer mad and we are going to let things continue to go forward.

With this story being said I am going to live in the moment. There is always going to be hurt and pain but that should no stop me from being happy and living for the moment. The moments that are here now are the ones that are most important. Tomorrow is not guaranteed so take today and run with it.

Pourquoi?

Pourquoi = Why
This is a question that can never be answered when it really comes down to it. When you find yourself asking questions about your life and things happening in it you always ask why? Why reminds me of the word "IF" its just there and you never know Why or If things will work out. And then there is "How" which once again is followed up by why at some point. See this is just a never ending circle. Kind of like Life..

To my dear friend..
I know that you want to know Why and How and If.. But I can not answer these questions for you. You have to be strong and no matter what follow your heart. Some times your heart might take you to a place you can't stand but it knows what it wants. You never get to choose who you will be with in this world and who will love you. Just remember that you are strong and can handle anything life hands you. STOP looking for the one who will complete you. He will be placed in your life with out you ever knowing and your heart will be able to tell you if he is the one. Never give up something with out a fight.. But also remember that if you love something set it free and if it comes back it was meant to be. My friend I wish I could tell you why and how and if, I hate to see the hurt in your eyes.. I want nothing more then to see you smile and not hurt. I will always be here to listen and talk or just to sit in silence and watch the sunset with no words spoken. You are me friend and I love you as if you were my own sister.

The Sounds of The Night

Passions revealed,
desires sedated,
never once believed,
such pleasures awaited.


Romance claimed lost,
desire now greed,
no ecstatic long nights,
just fulfilling a need.


But with lingering glances,
on satin smooth skin,
through the night we languish,
in the erotica of skin.


A candle lit dinner,
alone to test our will,
champagne on ice,
inhibitions to chill.


A fire in the hearth,
our only light,
yet hold back the urges,
as passion fills the night.

Caressing your hair,
a massage designed to please,
your breathing grows soft,
a sensual tease.

Lips finally meet,
so tender and hoping,
tongues intertwine,
searching not groping.

Finger tips trace,
from your neck down your spine,
awakening nerves the pleasure,
divine.

Cloths whisper as they fall to the floor,
bringing pleasure in the skin they show,
no rush no hurry all night,to take it slow.

A trail of kisses,
the soft backs of knees,
body's aching yearning,
eager to please.

By the light of the fire,
two body's join in an ancient rite,
as soft moans of pleasure,
become the sounds of the night.

Its been to long....

Wow its been a very long time since I have blogged anything. The last few months have been crazy. I am almost totally settled into my new apartment and I am slowly learning my way around Tampa and seeing what it really has to offer. Since the move I have been given the chance to get back in touch with my best friend. She is the one person in my life that no matter how many miles between us or how much time has gone by she has always been there. I can't thank her enough for all the support she has given to me. With out you I would be lost.

Now here is the question..
How do you deal when you find your heart wanting something that its scared of?

I have found that distance makes the heart grow founder, but it can lead to alot of hurt. I have been hurt by distance before and the choices that were made were not fair. However I have learned from them. I just want to know is it worth working for? I know you can't help who you fall for and can't run from being hurt, But is it worth the chance to give the time and effort to one person who you already know is moving away? I am scared to put my heart back out there just for it to get hurt yet again. I have learned so much and yet so little in this game of love.

Just as unhappy at 4:45 pm

So today is just getting better.. If you have read my blog you have already heard how my day is going. Well once I got to work I got a phone call and I was told that I did not receive the transfer I had applied for and that seemed like it was in the bag. I found out that they decided to re-hire someone else.. that was just the thing I needed to hear after only being at work for 45 minutes. Then I find out that my 2nd job has decided that they don't have the hours to give me but wants to keep me and they want me to stay on for the next 2 months count them 2 months and not get any hours so that in September they can start to give me hours again because that's when they get busy again! I am just so stressed out right this moment that if another thing goes wrong I might just scream!!

Not to happy at 6:45 am

So at 6:45 this morning I was getting ready to leave for work since I had to be there at 7:15. All was quiet in the house until my home phone rang and woke up Matt and my dog.. So now this is where I am mad I answer the phone and its my boss she is telling me never mind you don't have to be in until 7:45 (our normal time)! WTF Hello its now 6:55 you could have called a little earlier and I would have been able to get more sleep!!! And this my friends is the start to a very long day/week....